Mother-Enmeshed Men

Tom’s Impossible Situation

Tom was always the star of the family.

He loved making his parents proud and knew that his mother was especially proud of her “handsome boy.”

That’s why it surprised him that his relationship seemed to fall apart so quickly after he got married to Kate. He felt disloyal to his family when his spouse needed him to stand up for her.

It was the impossible situation.

Do I hurt my mom and my family, or do I hurt my wife?

Tom felt like the choice should’ve been easier. But it wasn’t.

He and Kate grew further apart as Tom focused on being a ‘good son’ by going to every family event and calling his mother every day.

He didn’t see why Kate was so upset – he helped around the house and made a good living – what else did his wife want from him?

Kate wanted him to be present – she always felt like his head and heart were somewhere else. She didn’t feel like she was the priority in his life.

Kate often felt uncomfortable around Tom’s mom, especially when she would compliment him and insist that they had “mother and son time” at large family gatherings.

What’s wrong with being close?

Close, loving relationships with family can be some of the most rewarding relationships.

When those relationships hamper your ability to love and commit fully to the people you choose, there’s a problem.

Many men find that they never fully emancipated from the family they grew up in.

Their parents may still see them as “our little boy,” not the man he’s become. When the man feels guilt or obligation to stay “mom’s little boy” he will be less free to choose the kinds of relationships he wants with his chosen love. He’s often angry at the wrong woman.

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What can be done?

Separation from family (i.e. moving to a different city, limiting intrusive contact, carving out family time) are all important steps in clearing up some emotional space to become your own man.

With mother-enmeshed men, the guilt and obligation from not being there for mom in the ways she needs plays loudly in your head preventing you from being totally present in other relationships.

We can work together on helping you to fully emancipate – become your own person, free to love and have relationships that you choose, on terms that work for you.

Ready for one-on-one work to break free from guilt and obligation?